I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
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sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
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New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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