the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
