Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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