I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize