We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
