sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
