I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
