u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
