I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
