I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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