i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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