How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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