He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
