i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
