I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Randomize
