So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
