An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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