Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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