who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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