I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
