lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
