I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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