Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
