She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
