Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
