He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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