She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
