I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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