I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
