do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
