I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize