just come out here and I will go home with you...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
