Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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