I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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