he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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