he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
