It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
