$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
