Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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