I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
