How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
