You smell like stripper and shame
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
