I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
