Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
