I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
