I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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