it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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