Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
