Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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