Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
