I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
