she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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