That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
