those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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