There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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