She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
