Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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