I don't think brook has ever known best
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
