i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I need to stop coming to work sober
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
