WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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