She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
