I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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