My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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