i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
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