are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
