Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I have aggressive nipples.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.