So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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