i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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