and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
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Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
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Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.