He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.