toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet