No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
