You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.