Hey man sorry I got all grabby
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.