did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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