I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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