why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
