Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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