You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
