the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
