What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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